Saturday, June 20, 2009

The rest of the story

After my last post, Maria and Madame asked me to tell the rest of that story. I have hesitated, as I don't want to say too much about less than wonderful dates. It seems sort of unfair. Sometimes, when two people aren't well matched and it's apparent from the start, it just doesn't bring out the best in them. That may well have been the case here, so I'll try not to be too brutal.

The movie - Lemon Tree - was good. The sushi was fine. And frankly, the company wasn't awful. In a town where I don't know anyone else, it was nice to have someone sit on my couch and talk. Nothing he said was patently offensive or terribly gross.

But...

My dad once told me, "If you want some insight into another person's character, ask him questions about himself. His answers are important, but even more important is how long it takes him to ask a question about you."

In this case, it was clear...my date was very interested in my date and not all that interested in his. Hours later, he hadn't asked a single question. He didn't know any more about me than he did at the start of the evening. And honestly, I don't think he cared to.

He did pay me a few nice compliments - "beautiful eyes, great smile" - but that kind of thing has never really done it for me. I'm more interested in someone who will still like me if my eyeballs pop out and my lips fall off. Yes, physical attraction is great. "Nice eyes, cute smile," these are lovely things to say. But...not nearly as lovely as if you told me that you, say, find me witty.

So at the end of the evening, there was no kiss. I don't typically kiss on a first date anyway, but in this case, I didn't have to remind myself of that policy.

In the meantime, I've had a little email correspondence with a person who seems to know exactly how to compliment me. (I don't think anything is going to come of it, but the correspondence has been nice.) He's a psychiatry resident with whom I used to work. One day, I consulted him for a patient with conversion disorder. When we were done discussing the patient, we talked about how work was going for each of us. He was frustrated with his program director. I bitched a bit about the shit I was getting from a couple of medicine residents who thought I was "too opinionated." I told him the corresponding story--what happened that led them to say that.

He said, "Well, in this case, you're not opinionated, you're just right. But, you know...the strong, independent woman I know you to be wouldn't care what these guys thought of her." And then, he smiled at me and walked away.

Now that...that is a lovely thing to say.

7 comments:

☆Susanlee☆ said...

Well, -I- think you're witty. Do I get a kiss?

You should date the psychiatry guy. Go on, right now. I'll wait.

dive said...

I'm with Susanlee, T.
We'll be waiting just over there, with an increasing crowd of your fans.
I hope someone goes out for coffee.

Do keep writing to him and let us know how it goes.

Maria said...

Never underestimate those psych residents...silver tongued devils.

Mostly, though, everything depends on three questions:

1) Do I look forward to our talks more than the kissing?
2) If something really good happens to me or something really bad, is he/she the one who I want to tell about it?
3) Am I comfortable dancing with him?

If you can answer yes to all three, you have yourself a possibility.

MmeBenaut said...

Looks like I'm lining up behind Susanlee :)) Thanks for telling the story and it seems that your Dad's advice paid off.

I'm with her too - you should definitely look up that psychiatry guy but that might mean having to move back to where you just left so perhaps there's a psychiatry resident at the new place ???

Terroni said...

Oh, come on now, Madame...I think Dive and Katie are showing us that a little distance should never stand in our way.

Plus, if anything ever came of this (and that's a BIG 'if'), I would try to talk him into moving here.

I can be quite persuasive. ;)

secret agent woman said...

I have overlooked that very thing (an intense selfinterest) at my own peril on more than one occassion. I always regret it - your Dad was right.

Shan said...

I quite like pysch guy too and he has absolutely won me over with his comment! I never liked it when a fellow just thought I looked good because I can also look extremely hideous with a mere change of lighting. Looks are never a constant with me. :D The sense of humor and the "getting each other" is my very favorite thing. Once that is settled, then they think you are beautiful even when you show them the ever lurking dark side.
Hurray for dating stories!!!!!!