Saturday morning
Working nights has completely fucked up my sleep schedule. I realize that language may seem a bit strong, but I assure you it is the only accurate description for what has happened to my circadian rhythms.
I fell asleep at about eleven o'clock last night in a chair in Blake and Evan's living room. I awoke an hour later to find Evan asleep on the couch a few feet away. He had a snoring old Dachshund curled up next to him, her nose tucked in his armpit. I got up, kissed them both on the head, and padded down the hall to the spare room.
I am not generally a physically affectionate person...unless you're asleep. (That sounds creepy, doesn't it?) Growing up, I shared a room with my younger sisters; and every night, before I went to bed, I would kiss their sleeping foreheads. (It was occasionally a bit creepy, but only because my youngest sister tended to sleep with one eye open and I had to close that freaky thing before I could kiss her.)
Last night, without thinking a thing of it, I reflexively kissed Evan and the dog the same way I used to kiss my sisters. As I was brushing my teeth, I realized what I had just done and laughed at myself a bit. I have noticed that the older I get, the more I treat my friends as though they're family. When I am too tired to think about it, I become, by default I suppose, everyone's older sister.
I woke up this morning at 4 am and have been up ever since. (See what I mean? Completely fucked up.) Around six, I heard Blake's footsteps in the bathroom above me and figured I might as well get out of bed and make some coffee. It seemed the least I could do for the poor guy who has to work this weekend.
Blake and Evan's apartment has huge, high, east facing windows. As I was waiting for the coffee to finish percolating, I noticed the morning light sneaking through the mini blinds. They were begging to be opened. I acquiesced and found a reason to stop bemoaning my broken circadian rhythms.
Through sheets of purple clouds, the sun was casting a hazy, yellow light over the city. Old industrial plants, train tracks, the still quiet, mostly empty overpass - held in this light, it all suddenly looked...amazing.
Ahh... I thought, so this is what you miss when you're sleeping in.
7 comments:
Ah, dawn is beautiful. It's unfortunate it happens so early in the day.
It is indeed the most beautiful part of the day, T.
Those of us who have to get up at 4:40AM every day get to see an awful lots of dawns, the only downside being my own circadian rhythm sends me to sleep just as everyone else is getting ready to go out for the evening.
Hey ho.
I'm a sleeping person forehead kisser, too.
We also had a beautiful sunrise this morning, I love that time of the day, so quiet and calm and full of promise.
One of my daughters used to sleep with her eyes half open when she was a baby, scared the living shit out of me.
I'm too scared to kiss anyone who is sleeping in case I wake them up!
I'm often up very early because one of the cats is awake and wants to play so to avoid waking MB I tiptoe out, taking cats with me, closing the door and then I feed them and let them outside for a while. Quite often it is still dark (Snuffly has taken to coming around for breakfast at 4.30 am) and I see the early dawn and listen to the quiet before the birds wake but all hell breaks loose with hungry birds well before the sun makes an appearance. I love dawn when there are clouds and they turn pink and then orange and yellow. Dawn inspires me much more than Dusk and yet, as I get older, I find that I'm becoming more nocturnal because I've been known to slip back into bed at 7 or 8 am for just another couple of hours' sleep.
I do love these wistful posts, little one. I know you are an expert big sister but you're still such a baby (and babe too, no doubt) to me.
Is it just wrong that I don't care if I miss the dawn? Because I get up at 6:15 every weekday and on the weekends, you can't pay me to get up out of bed until at least 10 unless Liv has a soccer game (and last weekend it got canceled because we had a freak snow storm. Yes. In October.)
BTW, I am reading a book called "A Gate At The Stairs" by Lorrie Moore. The main character, Tassie, reminds me SO much of you.
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