Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Post #301 is Meme #4509

In need of a meme, Maria to the rescue with...
33 Random Questions

1) The phone rings. Who are you hoping it is?

I'm hoping it doesn't ring. I already talked to Graci today, and I'm not really in the mood to chat with anyone else right now.

2) When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

I don't remember the last time I took a cart out of the store. I don't typically buy more than I can carry.

When Maria answered this question, she said that she takes her own bags to the grocery. And here, I must confess, I do not. I cram everything I bought into one or two bags (because that's all I can carry) and then use those bags when I clean the cat litter. Except that because they have been crammed full of pointy cereal boxes and the like, they always have little holes in the bottom. I fill them with cat shit litter, tie them closed, and then carry them to the trash. Then, I turn around to discover the trail of litter that leaked out of the little holes as I walked. And then, I swear.

Why don't you just double bag? Or move the trash can next to the litter box and scooped directly into it?

Because, clearly, I already have a system.

3) In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

I'm a talker. I wish I could say I was a listener, but alas.

4) If abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?

Sure. For a few hours.

I have no real survival skills. Last time I was in the woods, I squatted to pee and fell. I ended up urinating in my shoe and then landing crotch first into a pile of poison ivy. Except that I didn't know it was poison ivy, so three days later, I pulled aside a gynecologist from work to try to describe my mysterious weeping crotch rash. He said, "Uh...I think I'm going to have to see it to figure out what's going on."

I said, "I'm not showing you my crotch. Not while it looks like this!"

He used the Lord's name in vain and then muttered, "This is why I don't treat the staff."

5) Do you like to ride horses?

I think this question is stupid. I probably think that because I've never ridden a horse.

6) Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

Yes. Did you see Jesus Camp? It was a lot like that. Asking ten year olds to come to the altar and commit to lay down their lives for the Lord is psychotic. Not to mention, it really fucks up their ideas about God.

7) What was your favorite board game as a kid?

I don't remember having a favorite board game. Oh, no, wait...Museum Clue. You got to catch bad guys and learn about art. I was such a dork.

8) If a sexy person was pursuing you but you knew he/she was taken, what would you do?

There are few things less attractive than a person who can't be bothered to finish one thing before he or she starts something else. In the end, it's just not sexy.

Post script~ By taken, I assumed that this meant people in supposedly monogamous relationships--people who are cheating. Open relationships are a very different thing, and I pass no judgment on those who honestly negotiate them.

10) (Where the fuck is nine? I hate it when these meme numbers get lazy on me and just have better things to do than show up) Would you date someone with different religious beliefs?

I'm not sure. I suppose it depends on how different. The truth is, I can't really say who I would or would not date at this point.

Except...the guy who kept getting up to spit in the trash can at Panera today, the one who said he is currently looking for work, the one who parked his car with the backseat full of disposable coffee cups next to mine--that guy...I'm not dating him. Not even after the oh so original, So, you come here often? line. Not happening, dude.

Unemployed, phlegm laden hoarders need not apply.

11) Are you continuing your education?

Yes. I sure as hell can't afford to quit now.

12) Do you know how to shoot a gun?

Yes. I just can't hit a target. No matter, because I HATE guns.

13) If the house was on fire, what's the first thing you'd grab?

My gun. (laugh)

14) How often do you read books?

Daily. How often do I read books for pleasure? Once a month, if I'm lucky.

15) Do you think more about the past, present or future?

The future. The test coming up, my next rotation, applying for residencies, interviewing, getting a job, moving... and this is why I grind my teeth at night.

16) What is your favorite children's book?

Hmm...this is a tough one. I've always liked Dr. Seuss' Sleep Book.

Suddenly, I can't remember a single chapter book that I read as a child. I'm sure if I called my mom she'd be all, you loved (insert name of beloved children's book). You read it seven times. And I'd say, oh, that's right. I can't believe I didn't remember that.

Sadly for all of us, it's entirely too late to call her.

17) How tall are you?

5'6" soaking wet. Or something like that.

18) Where is your ideal house located?

I had a dream that I lived in a brownstone in Greenwich Village. It was quite nice.

19) Last person you talked to?

Graci. She's kicking pathology ass in Boston.

20) When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?

Ugh. I hate Olive Garden. My sister works there. My brothers used to work there. For years, I've been subjected to behind the scenes Olive Garden stories. The salad is mostly ice-burg lettuce with banana peppers. The breadsticks taste like they were microwaved. (By the way, those were microwaved.) And, the pasta is always over-cooked.

I didn't really answer the question, did I?

21) What are the keys on your key chain for?

Locks, primarily.

22) What did you do last night?

I studied, chatted with my roommate a bit, went to the gym, drank half a beer. (Should I continue, or are you getting bored?)

23) Where is your current pain at the moment?

Do we really need both current and at the moment in that question? I didn't think so.

Editing aside, my ass is a little sore. I've been sitting on it too long.

24) Do you like mustard?

I used to eat it with mayo on cold cut sandwiches. Back when I ate cold cuts.

25) Do you like your Mom or Dad?

I like them both for different reasons.

26) How long does it take you in the shower?

Define it.

27) What movie do you want to see right now?

I can't think of a single movie that's playing right now.

28) Do you put lotion on your dog or cats?


And dude, if you're at home greasing up your pets, don't admit to it on your blog. That shit is not normal. Best to keep it to yourself.

29) What did you do for New Years?

I have answered this question in at least two other memes. It's getting old. That said, I waited until you and your date went out for the evening and then I snuck in and lotioned your cat.

30) Do you think The Grudge was scary?

Is The Grudge a movie? It sounds terribly stupid.

31) Do you own a camera phone?

No. My phone just makes and receives phone calls. It's a vintage model.

32) What is the last letter of your middle name?

#32 wins the award for Lamest Question on a Meme. It beat #24 by a hair.

33) Who did you vote for on American Idol?

I don't have a TV, she says, feeling a bit superior to all of you who voted for American Idol.


Anonymous said...

#4 cracked me up, and ooh a real survivor of a Jesus Camp! Cool meme - I haven't done a meme in a while so I'm going to set tis one aside and give it a go.

Amanda said...

can I just say that I have no idea what a "meme" is and so I felt ignorant throughout the entire questionnaire. I loved every word :)

Terroni said...

Ahh, Jesus Camp...good time, good times. They actually told all of us that we should pray for our future spouses. We were supposed to pray that God would keep them "pure" for us.

That's the kind of asinine crap you can tell kids. Then, they grow up, have some "pure" sex, and start praying for someone who knows what the hell he or she is doing in bed.

Meme: A group of stupid questions that gives you an excuse to tell people things about yourself they never really wanted to know in the first place.

As if bloggers needed an excuse.

They can be fun, though. Maybe you should do this one. I've always wondered how tall you are.

It's just me... said...

I went to Jesus camp. With Amanda. She was way better at it than I was. She's pretty much better at everything than I am.

Maria said...

My god...we are all a bunch of recovering Jesus Campers, aren't we? Because I went to one when I was forced by my mother. I was a junior in high school and I snuck outside with another girl and smoked.

I felt so deliciously wicked.

We had to do things like group hugs and fall into each other's arms to prove that we "trusted the Jesus in everyone."

What a bunch of ass hats.

And good hell, you are 5'6?? You are like a giantess, T.

MmeBenaut said...

That poison ivy story was priceless. I've heard of urinating on one's shoes but never IN them!
Lovely answers sweetheart, especially those questioning the redundancy of the questions. Hee hee

.j.william. said...

I totally had imagined you as 5'10" at least.