Saturday, July 21, 2007

I fried his ass up

I'm on call until noon tomorrow. So, tonight you get a trauma story. It was a pretty standard case. Goes like this...cut all your clothes off; check your heart rate and blood pressure (which probably went up a bit when we cut all your clothes off); look you over from head to toe; shine lights in your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth; start a couple IVs; draw some blood; x-ray your chest; ultrasound your belly; stick a finger up your butt; shove a catheter in your bladder; roll you into the CT scanner; and ask you for a copy of your insurance card.

After all that, the patient and I had some time to chat.
And she told me the best story.
Goes like this...
So, have you ever had an accident like this before?

Well, there was the time I got the shit beat out of me with an eighteen pound frozen turkey.

You...uh...what?

I was driving home from work in my truck with an eighteen pound frozen turkey--the bird was a Thanksgiving bonus they gave us every year. Anyway, I hit black ice, skidded off the road, went airborn, and landed in a heap.
When the state trooper found me, he asked if anything hurt. I told him it felt like I'd had the crap kicked out of me.
He said, "Well, I've got good news and bad news. You're truck's totaled, but I was able to save that turkey you had in the back."
I said, "The turkey wasn't in the back. It was on the seat next to me. That damn thing flew through the air and knocked the shit out of me."

A week later, I had to call the highway patrol for a copy of the accident report, and the trooper who answered the phone said, "Oh, you're the woman who got hit with the turkey."
I said, "You know about that?"
He said, "Ma'am, every trooper in the state has heard that story."


I had only one question...So, did you eat that turkey?

Hell yeah I did, she said. I fried his ass up.

15 comments:

Kate Isis said...

what a great story and proof thats theres a silver lining if you look hard enough. Hugs hun shift owrk sucks.

Ms. Avarice said...

oh dear me. what a sad sight, me sitting here with my shirt unbuttoned all alone in the kitchen and laughing at the idea that vengeance is only a broiler pan away. :)

Terroni said...

5 am.
45 minutes of sleep since this time yesterday.
7 hours to go...the home stretch!

Rich said...

cut all your clothes off; check your heart rate and blood pressure (which probably went up a bit when we cut all your clothes off); look you over from head to toe; shine lights in your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth; start a couple IVs; draw some blood; x-ray your chest; ultrasound your belly; stick a finger up your butt; shove a catheter in your bladder; roll you into the CT scanner; and ask you for a copy of your insurance card.


This sounds like a fun night out for me. ;))

Melanie said...

damn straight, fry his ass up.

what about the palpating and such? i know the paramedics do that...or at least, we did when i was working ambulance...the doctors don't do it again when they get there?

Proxima Blue said...

Ha,ha,ha. Isn't it nice when people can keep a sense of humor about things? It really is an overlooked tool of survival.

I shamelessly flirted with the Doc who was suturing my finger when I cut an arteral vein in it during a sewing accident.

-P

Vic said...

Cool story, mate. I can't help but think of Monty Python and the chicken.

Cheers,
Vic

Mme Benaut said...

Oh that's hilarious - but fried turkey? Must be a southern thing.
I had an accident when I was 18 - my little stationary car was hit by a fast travelling, very heavy mercedes benz. My car spun and spat me out the driver's side window (which was closed) shattering the glass and shredding my clothes; I bumped off the back of the merc and landed in the middle of the road, unconscious. My handbag had been on the passenger seat next to me and when I came to, there it was, in the middle of the road with me! The car sadly had ploughed into a brick building and was written off. The brick building was where my mother worked. She came outside, hearing the crash and the merc driver turned to her and, referring to me, said "stupid bitch". That was definitely the wrong thing to say to my mother at that particular time. Anyway, an ambulance ride and a night in hospital later, after undergoing some interesting checks myself, I was discharged with just a big lump on my forehead and a few scratches.
Hopefully by now the home stretch has been completely little one and you can get some rest.

Cheryl said...

That was a good one. I'm sure you'll be entertaining us with all kinds of stories.

Dear Prudence said...

It really is all about perspective!

Maya said...

Getting new outfit cut off.... $175

Checking for bowel sounds.... $425

Getting the shit kicked out of you by a frozen turkey..... priceless!

Slimbolala said...

Hilarious. (And for what it's worth, fried turkey is big-time down here in New Orleans.)

nina said...

LOL! That is a great story!

CS said...

Ha ha! But all's well that ends well, I suppose.

Maria said...

And this is only the beginning...you will hear stories that will make you wonder if you live on Mars or something.....

Get some sleep asap....