Friday, July 13, 2007

At least they're not beating baby seals to death

My mother just called. I answered the phone but could barely hear her.

Where are you? I said.

Oh, I'm outside the Voodoo Lounge. Sorry it's so loud. I saw that you called and just wanted to see how your day went.

Wait a minute. You're where?

Oh, your father and I are in Vegas.

At the Voodoo Lounge?

Yeah, she says. Like...Duh, where the hell else would we be?

Mom, are you two clubbing?

Well, we're not beating baby seals to death, if that's what you mean. But yeah, I guess we're clubbing.

Alrighty then.
Well, my day was fine. Thank you for asking.
I'll let you get back to your evening.


Okay, sweetie.

Mom...

Yes?

Don't forget to take your calcium.

She has osteoporosis, and I'd hate to see her trip off the heels of her sex boots and break her hip on the dance floor. That'll ruin a girl's evening in no time.

When did my parents start clubbing in Vegas?
Clearly, I need to check in with these people a little more often.

11 comments:

Maria said...

I don't like family surprises. All of my sisters are in town and so we all went out to eat. Everyone was drinking but me: colitis woman.

One of my sisters confessed that she enjoys having sex with her husband in their backyard pool. Another decided to confess that she pees in pools if she just has to go. I swear that I will now have to be on fire to get into that pool.

So, I guess it could be worse. Your parents could be clubbing and then going back to their hotel and having sex and peeing in the pool there....

Terroni said...

I was 12.
We were on vacation in Florida.
2 am
I heard some splashing around in the backyard of the house where we were staying.
It was them.
Having sex.
In the pool.


Is this one of your ultra conservative sisters? Were you tempted to kick it up a notch with a "Well, Bing and I like to..." story? Watching her response to that is entertainment I could enjoy sober.

jenny said...

oooh, parents shouldnt do anything! its just too gross, at least mine have been divorced for 28 years and dont speak to each other. But it was somehow more gross when my dad remarried at the age of 50, he came back from his honeymoon looking so relaxed that I couldnt bear to look at him!

Susanlee said...

Weird. I'm glad my parents are super boring.

Mme Benaut said...

Terroni - this is hilarious - clubbing in Las Vegas - what a hoot! As for the sex bit - I didn't have to go through that with my biological parents since they separated when I was a baby but my mother and stepfather (2nd stepfather) stayed with me in Sydney once and I lent them my bed while I slept on the couch. Bless them, they actually BROKE the bed (and didn't offer to replace it). Ah, parents, my mother is 74 going on 18 I think.

CS said...

I don't have an interest in Vegas, but I hope I have my kids shaking their heads well into my twilight years.

.j.william. said...

"Well, we're not beating baby seals to death, if that's what you mean. But yeah, I guess we're clubbing."

can I use this for my weblog tagline? it's fantastic.

Terroni said...

jw ~ of course you can!

Proxima Blue said...

Ha,ha,ha, very funny.

-P

Melanie said...

heh! i can't wait to get back to the stuff i was doing at 19, as soon as the girls are grown. :)

Ms. Avarice said...

my mom's not the clubbing sort, but she does like to call me and go on and on for ages about all her boyfriends. isn't it nice that people are still allowed to have fun when they're grown up?