Saturday, January 31, 2009

Certainly it must be 5 o'clock somewhere

It feels like it's been a month since I posted last. That is to say, it's been a long week. I was in New York at the beginning of the week for a second look at one program and an interview--my LAST interview--at another.

The second look went very well. I had a lovely chat with the chair and program director. The chair of the department asked if it might be okay if he just asked me to be his chief resident now. I said, "Oh, come on now...you probably say that to all the girls."

The program director, whose mouth fell open when the chair asked, said, "No. No, he really doesn't." So, that was nice.

This program is not my first choice. But, it did move up several spots on my list after that visit. My mom called me later that day and asked me about it. I said, "It's not the best program I've interviewed with, but I would be well-loved here. And that's not nothing."

The interview the next day did not go so well. I should rephrase that... The interview was fine. They seemed to like me. I think that if I really wanted a spot there, I could probably have one. But, I wasn't impressed. They spent all day reminding me where I was interviewing.

This is IVY LEAGUE PROGRAM.

It was there answer to everything from Do you see much trauma? to Where's the bathroom?

Honestly, I think that they missed their true calling... We should hand them a bunch of red markers and let them write YOU ARE HERE on subway maps and mall directories.

This is IVY LEAGUE PROGRAM was quickly followed by We're the best. They started to sound like those people who think that the dinner portion of a date is an opportunity to talk about how good they are in bed. I have learned that this actually code for Prepare to be disappointed. And, extrapolating from said dating experiences, I suspect that I would leave the residency exhausted and annoyed.

Since returning from New York, I have been back at work, rounding on nephrology patients in the ICU. I have spent most of my time trying to keep from screaming LISTEN TO ME, DAMN IT at the residents.

Yesterday, it was, "T, what happened to that patient?"

"She died."

"When?"

"This morning at about 10."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I did tell you."

"When?"

"This morning at about 10:05."

"You told me?"

"Yes. Remember when I showed up five minutes late to rounds and said that I was doing chest compressions in room 75 but she didn't make it?"

"You told me that?"

"Twice. I was going to say it a third time but decided that when we got to the room and you saw the empty bed, it would sink in."

"Wait...so she died?"

The whole week has been exactly like that.

I just got a call on my cell phone from one of them...

"Where's my note?"

"What note?"

"The note on Mr. Smith."

"The last time I saw it, the fellow was carrying it in his left jacket pocket."

"He doesn't have it."

"Did you check his pocket?"

"No."

"Check his pocket. If it's not there, check his other pocket. Then, I'd look in his socks. If it's not in either of those, you should consider the fact that he's European and may carry a man bag or murse. If such an accessory exists, I would rummage through it. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to tell you, but I wish you the best of luck."

Because I sure as hell wasn't going to drive back to the hospital to strip search the fellow to find a piece of paper that the resident should have left in the chart. Where charting belongs.

Like I said...a long week.

Tomorrow, I fly to Atlanta to take the part of the boards where they videotape you examining 8 fake patients. They want to make sure that you can (a) speak and understand English, and (b) keep all of your psychotic/douche-bag tendencies on the inside. Where they belong.

Wish me luck.

9 comments:

Eric said...

What, they check for psychotic/douche-bag tendencies?

I'm out.

☆Susan☆ said...

I've always wanted to be one of the fake patients that they do that section of the boards with. Have fun!

Shan said...

Heh, maybe Kramer will be there as one of your patients. It seemed like he had to play "diverticulitis" once on Seinfeld. I can't remember. I got nervous just reading about you having to do that.

I think I told you once I was living vicariously through your med school experience. Well, not last night but the night before, you were in one of my dreams for a little bit. (I know that sounds wierd)

I was somewhere in the middle of my med school training and I wasn't sure how I got there but I was highly doubting my abilities already. I remember seeing you (blurryish) and saying "My biggest fear, Terroni, is figuring out the proper amounts to put on the Rx pads. I just don't think I can do the math that fast." So I was thinking about dropping out. BAHA! That probably would have been a good idea if that was my main concern. heeheehee

I'm excited to hear which residency we, ahem, I mean YOU get. Time to get your own life now Shan. Eek.

Maria said...

Ok...do me a favor. Go back to a year ago and read some of your experiences. Now, re-read your remarks of the last few months.

You are sounding more and more like a doctor...yes?

MmeBenaut said...

Oh Terroni, sweetheart - I get so excited for you when I read these reports of your progress through the interviews. You really do have your pick but I would go with the first one, it sounds so positive. Ivy League is good for a resume but not for everyday working life. Being treasured is so much more important for your growth, development and confidence.
Good luck with the boards. Unless they count wicked humour as a psychotic tendency, you'll be fine but obviously you need to be not just a good doctor but a good actor too. Weird!

deboo said...

I was thinking the same thing as Maria. You're sounding awfully mature these days.

Uh-oh.

nina said...

"...but I would be well-loved here. And that's not nothing."

indeed...

and luck, much!

oxox
nina

gitz said...

Wow... your life is not what I would call boring. Some of the people you have to work with sound mind-numbing, but your life? Interesting beyond measure.

I wouldn't last a day with the Ivy League guild. It would take too much effort every day to decide if you should be laughing at them or smacking them silly. I like the place where they actually realize you're cool already.

Then again, I'm going solely on the fact that I want you to be happy there, not that they can actually teach you something worthwhile. :)

Sassy Sundry said...

Wow. Sounds like quite the ordeal. Good luck!