And for this, I have Mr. Sedaris to thank

When I left North Carolina on Friday, I drove to my parents' house. They agreed to keep my car for a month and take me to their local airport Saturday morning for my flight to New York. Before I made the drive north, I purchased David Sedaris' new book, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, on CD. The only thing funnier than reading David's writing is listening to him read his writing. I figured this might distract me from the sweaty, smelly reality of driving for 10 hours in the 90 degree heat in a black car with no air conditioning.

It worked. I was distracted. Granted, I still smelled like a European tour group at Disney World in August. But, the smell wasn't quite so nauseating as it might have been if I hadn't been entertained.

When I stopped for gas at a 7-Eleven in the hills of West Virginia, I was listening to David's story, Town and Country. My windows were rolled down and the CD was turned up. I found an empty parking spot next to a big ole diesel truck. The driver, a big ole hillbilly guy, was still inside. His windows, too, were rolled down. When I pulled in next to him, I was listening to a part of the story in which David quotes a particularly foul-mouthed cabbie he met in New York. As I parked my car, the words, "How is it that you do not need pussy? Does not your dick stand up?" blared from my speakers in David's effeminate voice.

The hillbilly whipped his head around and glared at me. Realizing how it sounded, I quickly turned down the volume on my CD player. This made it worse, as now I didn't even have the speakers to blame. Now, it really looked like I had just said this--like I pulled in next to the guy to scream accusations about his penis.

You know, it's hard to win The Most Classless award in a gas station parking lot in the hills of West Virginia. Stiff competition. But, I think that I more than made up for those points I lost by having all my teeth when my car started yelling DICK and PUSSY at the locals.