Saturday, April 7, 2007

Jim's mom

I talked to Jim on the phone today. He is a physician I used to work with and one of my friends who just lost his mother. Jim is not a young man, but losing a parent is hard at any age. He said, "You know, your parents are your connection to a certain part of your life. When they're gone, you feel like that connection is lost."

When I first heard that Jim's mom died, I thought of a conversation he and I had in the nurses station a few years ago. It was a Wednesday evening, and he was headed to his mother's for dinner. He had dinner with her every Wednesday. He said that after dinner he always fell asleep on her couch, and when he woke up, apologized for sleeping. She always said the same thing, though, "Jimmy, I love it when you come here and sleep."

I have thought of Jim every Wednesday evening since she died.
And although I'm not a big hugger, I really wished I could hug him as we talked today.


Melanie said...

I find it really interesting to read these thoughts, from you and from Frumpy Professor, on the grieving process as it applies to parents. I do not feel that I relate to that in a normal way, but I still like trying to think about things from that point of view. My relationship to my parent wasn't normal enough, I guess, for me to grieve the way that others seem to do. I felt like I had already done most of the grieving by the time she actually died. There was some sadness when it finally happened, but mostly there was a sense of relief that I didn't have to worry about her any more, that there was nothing else that I ever had to worry about happening to her again. I understand that this is odd, but I accept that this is the way it happened to turn out. I like looking into a window on healthier relationships and trying to imagine what that was like. I find myself hoping that this is a look into how my children will relate to me someday, if I handle things right.

Maria said...

Oh, boy. That one is a hard one. Maybe you could make a new tradition with him on Wednesdays when some time has passed?

What a great little piece. It was just the right size, very concise, but detailed perfectly to tell a great memory.

emmapeelDallas said...

What a great post! I linked here from Andy. Jim sounds like a good person, and as a mother, I can relate so well to what she said to him, that she loved it when he came there and slept. Give him a big hug when you see him. It's so hard to lose your mom...