Monday, March 19, 2007

Amusement park Monday (minus the amusement)

It's been a roller coaster morning. I used to love roller coasters, but the last time I went to Cedar Point, I realized I may have outgrown them a bit. I learned that as we get older, our inner ear fluid doesn't like to be sloshed around nearly so much as it did when we were kids. As a result, the older we get, the more roller coasters tend to make us turn green.

I'm definately sporting a nauseated greenish hue today.

I dropped off my car with a highly recommended mechanic, Larry, because it is overheating. Good news is Larry didn't get that "I just won the lottery" look in his eyes when I walked in and explained that I didn't know what was going on. Sometimes, I swear they can smell a incompetent car boob (me) a mile away. When I took it to the last guy for an oil change, he wanted to make $2000 in repairs. My car isn't even worth $2000. With a second opinion, I learned that none of the stuff he wanted to work on was even broken. He had poured power steering fluid all over the place to make it look like I had some kind of leak. Bastard. Today, Larry said it will cost about $150 to keep it running a few more months. I am going to have to look for a new car, though. The intake gasket is leaking and costs $700 to replace. Larry said it's just a matter of time before my engine goes, and he agreed that my car probably isn't worth that money. Getting a new car means getting a little help from my parents, though. My siblings don't have much trouble asking my parents for money, but I hate it. I makes me feel inadequate and small.

I finally got a hold of my divorce lawyer. I should be more specific: I got a hold of his paralegal. It looks like my divorce may be final on May 1. That will be exciting, mostly because I will be getting my maiden name back. I'm never changing my name again. It's such a pain in the ass. Unfortunately, the prince-not-so-charming will still have 18 months to refinance the house. I fear that in 18 months, he won't have done anything. He'll dump it on me, and I'll have to spend my 4th year of school (when I should be traveling and interviewing for residencies) trying to sell that damn house.

Finally, I have to do histories and physicals on standardized patients (people who are paid to act like patients and grade your fake interactions with them) this afternoon. I used to be good at this, but lately, I suck. I have had lots of experience with real patients, and these people just aren't real. It's hard for me to pretend like they are. Plus, we are now videotaped the whole time. That's the worst part. It makes me self-conscious and I end up forgetting things.

I'm nauseated just thinking about all of it.
When is this ride over?


Maria said...

Wow. I swear I read your blog and thought, "This was me about 20 years ago. I was in the same place with the same fears."

I was totally um...boonswaggled as we say here in Nebraska. Boy howdy and all that.

But, you know what? I got through and you will too. You will get through your residency, you will be able to get a new and better ride. You will meet someone who isn't an asshole and who deserves you.

I gets better if you just hold on.

If in 20 years, you go out of private practice, have a child and buy an old beautiful house that needs fixing up....then I really will freak out. :)

Cheryl said...

You're on your way to something better. All kinds of things to look forward to.

I stand in front of a mirror all day. I rarely look at it, but I know my clients are watching me. That really causes anxiety when I'm doing a new client. I always hope they wear glasses and can't see me without them!

Thanks for reading my blog. That means a lot.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, My inner ear fluid has never enjoyed being sloshed around. :>

Wow, medical student, divorce, a house to wory about you certainly have a lot on your plate right now! You already know it will take time to work through these issues, but take care of each thing as it comes.

I worked full-time and went to school full-time, plus volunteered on the side as well and it's really hard. You can only do it for so long. Even a 1/2 break in a bubble bath helps take the edge off.

My roommate always knew how good or bad my week was going by how many bubble baths I took. :>

Susanlee said...

I always pretend to be brave in front of Justin and get on the roller coaster and then about half way up I change my mind and want off. I'm just so afraid that I'm gonna fly out of the damn thing. I really enjoy reading your blog by the way. I'm glad you commented on mine so that I could find you!