Sunday, June 24, 2007

I'm her bitch

My phone rang tonight. I picked it up. It was a restricted number, but I answered anyway.

"Is this my bitch?" she said slowly.

I smiled. "Oh, you know it is," I said.

She let out a huge laugh and said, "Honey, how the hell are ya?"

It was DW, calling me from the hospital. DW is a labor and delivery nurse. Before med school, I was an aide in labor and delivery; and I basically spent 12 hour shifts following nurses' orders. All in all, it wasn't a bad job. Most of them were women with whom I thoroughly enjoyed working.

But then there was Mildred. Mildred was The Church Lady...in scrubs. And she got off (or came as close to that as she ever will) ordering me around. During my second week on the job, she marched into the nurses' station to ask me to do something she was too busy pontificating to do for herself.

DW saw the look on my face when Mildred spoke to me, and said in a low, slow voice, "Don't talk to my bitch."

"What?" Mildred asked in shock and horror.

DW said, "You heard me. She's my bitch, and you're not allowed to talk to her today."

I didn't really know DW, and what I did know, scared me. But, I knew I hated Mildred. So when Church Lady said, "You shouldn't let her talk to you that way," I shrugged my shoulders and said, "What choice do I have? I'm her bitch."

It was the smartest thing I ever said at work.

And it was work with DW, because she is a hell of a labor nurse. Her patients always deliver vaginally. When she says, "Honey, that baby's coming out if I have to go in after it," she's not kidding. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "Come on, bitch. I need you to hold my patient's leg while I try something." The entertainment I found in watching her 'try something' always made it worth the back ache I got hoisting pregnant thighs into the air.

Plus, nobody messed with me when DW was around. When we weren't doing anything, they would occasionally come to ask her, "Can I borrow T?" She would always look at me for a nod yes or no and then answer accordingly.


Now, she's begging me to come back and do my residency there. She said, "I just want to watch you write orders for Mildred."

I laughed. "And, you want your bitch back."

"Well, yeah. But you know I wouldn't let anybody fuck with you. I take good care of my bitch."

"Yes...yes you do."

20 comments:

emmapeelDallas said...

DW sounds GREAT!

Terrific post.

Judi

Terroni said...

Hi Judi! Long time, no see.

I was just re-reading a quote you left me a few months ago.

"To the physician as to the anthropologist, nothing human is strange or repulsive. The true physician has a Shakespearean breadth of interest in the wise and the foolish, the proud and the humble, the stoic hero and the whining rogue..."

Remember that?
I love it.

Kate Isis said...

So are you considering going back to being a bitch?
Isn't it strange how we allow friends to call us by so called "bad" names. I have a friend who goes by the nickname of "the mole" quite proudly, she even signs her cards and emails like that.
Whereas I get called "the cook" at home by all of hubbys mates and i'd just like to smash them with a rolling pin.
However the guru sludgee of river fame greets me every morning with the name "angel baby" a title I far prefer even if i never live up to it.

Terroni said...

Kate~ No, I'm not. But I am going to see DW and a few other great friends this weekend, and I really look forward to it.

Carrie said...

What a great post.

Melanie said...

that's awesome! what are the chances you might actually do your residency there? i never realized you had much option on where to go for that.

Susanlee said...

That's awesome. My aunt is the nurse educator for the labor and deliver unit here she's awesome but I don't think I could see her calling someone "my bitch" hehehe. Job interview at the hospital Thursday...wish me luck!

CS said...

Sounds like a good call when you aligned yourself with her.

Maria said...

Tell DW that you can't do your residency with her. Because you are coming to Nebraska to do your residency here, bitch.

Mme Benaut said...

Looks like you're in demand Terroni and a highly entertaining piece of writing too. Have a great time when you meet up again on the weekend. And, the quote from Judi was fantastic.

Vic said...

DW sounds like a great person to have worked with, hope you have a great time catching up this weekend.

I recently caught up with a few friends from school days where they called me Doodle. It started because calling me Vicky to annoy me stopped working and so it became Vickidoodle. In time it just got shortened to doodle and it stuck.

Terroni said...

Doodle, Vic? That's funny.

Maria, I just got done reading your latest post...you blew me away. I'd be proud to be your bitch.

Terroni said...

Good luck, Susan!
Knock em dead!

Terroni said...

Mel, I have some choices. That would not be my first choice, though. I'd really like to get out of the Midwest for residency.

Mme Benaut said...

Terroni - I'm taking my mother to Tahiti (French Polynesia) for a week and we're going to learn how to do the Hula with a grass skirt and a lae (sp?) around our necks and a garland of flowers on our heads and just our suntans. It's a 7 hour flight from Sydney across the Pacific -half way to LA. Look up Tahiti on the web and enjoy vicariously! M.B will be batching next week - we leave on Saturday.

Terroni said...

Oh Madame, please take lots of pictures! And maybe you can come write a guest post on my blog when you get back? Please? (no pressure)

I can't wait to hear all about how you learned to hula dance with your mom.

Rich said...

I'll be your bitch!!

Terroni said...

Rich, you're actually the second man to say that to me in the last 12 hours.

I'm definitely keeping this haircut.

Rich said...

Ok whip me beat me spit on me but respect me.... please????

Terroni said...

Oh, always respect Rich...always.
And I love that you said "please"--you're going to make such a great bitch.